Employee Picks: A Rock Musical, Waterlogged Zombies, And A Revenge Thriller
By Jacob Knight/Nov. 16, 2018 12:00 pm EST
We may receive a commission on purchases made from links. (Welcome to Employee Picks, a series where Jacob Knight uses his day job expertise as a video store manager to recommend unique and often overlooked alternative options to the big movies hitting theaters and home video.)
Now that we’re out of the Halloween season, it seems like it’s finally time to stick to the script. So, without further ado, here’s a legitimate, 100% to format, no-BS edition of Employee Picks.
The Major Release: Bohemian Rhapsody
Your Alternative: Velvet Goldmine (1998, d. Todd Haynes)
Bohemian Rhapsody is a bad movie: a mix of biopic clichés, already parodied to death in genius works like Walk Hard, anchored by a central turn that’s more imitation than actual performance. Instead, watch a good movie about glam rockers from one of the finest directors to ever lay eyes on a movie camera. Velvet Goldmine is Todd Haynes’ ode to deafening stage opulence, following journalist Arthur Stuart (Christian Bale) as he chronicles the rise and fall of Bowie-esque pop madman Brian Slade (Jonathan Rhys Meyers). The “original punk”, Slade became a symbol of individuality and bi-sexual bliss for a generation of lost teens. Catchy, tragic and deeply human, Velvet Goldmine is one of the finest rock musicals ever made.
Velvet Goldmine is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Miramax/Lionsgate.
The Major Release: The Nutcracker and the Four Realms
The Major Release: Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch
Your Alternative: Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984, d. Charles E. Sellier Jr.)
Sure, the Grinch is forever a “mean one,” but has that fuzzy, green Ebenezer Scrooge ever impaled a naked Linnea Quigley to the wall with a set of deer antlers? Survey says: fuck no. Silent Night, Deadly Night is one of the nastiest slashers in the history of a subgenre known for its cruelty, as young Billy Chapman sees his parents executed by a scumbag in a Santa Claus outfit, and is then subsequently beaten by the nuns in his orphanage. Of course, once he grows up, Billy seems like a well-adjusted, strapping adult…until the owner of the toy store he gets a job at decides to make him don the red St. Nick costume come Christmas. Trigger Warning: mucho bloodshed occurs, as Billy picks up an axe and starts chopping his way through the residents in his small Midwestern town. A Yuletide staple in the Knight household, Charles E. Sellier’s cult classic is mostly for the degenerates in your home who giggle at the part in Gremlins where Phoebe Cates talks about the time her dad broke his neck coming down the chimney.
Silent Night, Deadly Night is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Scream! Factory.
The Major Release: The Girl in the Spider’s Web: A New Dragon Tattoo Story
The Major Release: Overlord
Your Alternative: Shock Waves (1977, d. Ken Wiederhorn)
Nazi zombies are cool as hell. That’s just scientific fact. This writer’s personal favorite entry into the too-small horror subgenre has got to be Shock Waves – a languid, strange, Florida-shot slice of exploitation that may be the closest any American undead zombie has come to approximating the hazy dread of classic Eurohorror. Following a crew of low rent pleasure seekers who become stranded on a desert isle where a former SS scientist (a gaunt, sickly Peter Cushing) and his waterlogged, goggled army of the dead reside, Shock Waves moves at a snail’s pace at first, only to evolve into a full-blown creature feature onslaught by the end. Featuring great makeup SFX work from unheralded genre weirdo Alan Ormsby, Shock Waves is going to appeal to specific strain of horror connoisseur, but those who connect with its weirdo wavelength are going to find a lot to love.
Shock Waves is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Blue Underground.
The Major Release: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald
Your Alternative: The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982, d. Albert Pyun)
Schlocky, ambitious madman Albert Pyun’s The Sword and the Sorcerer chronicles a classical hero’s journey, complete with big breasted princesses, various medieval double crosses, heart-ripping warlocks, pneumatic swords, straight up crucifixion, and some pretty wonky fight choreography. Nightmare-faced Richard Lynch is totally unhinged as the villainous warlord Titus Cromwell, who wants to destroy everything our stubbly hero (Lee Horsley) holds dear. If you saw this when you were young, just know that it doesn’t hold up as well as you’d expect, but all the scummy, weird, latex-riddled ’80s sword and sorcery madness is way better than sitting through fucking Johnny Depp using magic to hunt down Eddie Redmayne in another forgettable faux-Potter installment.
The Sword and the Sorcerer is available on OOP DVD, courtesy of Anchor Bay.
The Major Release: Instant Family
Your Alternative: Step Brothers (2008, d. Adam McKay)
Look, you can go watch Mark Wahlberg join families with Rose Byrne, or you can instead sit down with one of the greatest comedies of the last decade in Step Brothers. Adam McKay’s feature length ode to man-children is easily one of the movies this writer has watched the most throughout his life, as Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly scream insults at one another after being forced to become bros, thanks to their widowed parents getting married. There’s also Adam Scott screaming about his abs, Richard Jenkins monologuing about not “losing your dinosaur,” and Mary Steenburgen basically being a total angel sent down from Heaven to try and endure it all. In this world, there are two types of people: those who recognize the genius of Step Brothers, and others you just shouldn’t trust for a second.
Step Brothers is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Columbia Pictures.
Wide Release: Widows
Wide Release: Creed 2
Your Alternative: Fat City (d. 1972, d. John Huston)
We’re all going to see Creed 2, as everybody loves Rocky and Adonis and wants to see what the next chapter in their relationship has in store for the champs. However, when you’re done with this Turkey Day fight fiesta, maybe check out one of the more unheralded classics of the early ’70s. Fat City is John Huston’s very best late period picture: a stark portrait of two working class brawlers, one an aging pro (Stacy Keach), and the other his up-and-coming sparring partner (Jeff Bridges). Neither have many options in this world, subjecting themselves to nightly beatings just to make a buck. Brusque masculinity collides with broken dreams, as Susan Tyrell acts her ass off to the tune of a Best Supporting Actress Oscar. Fat City is an incredibly stark, depressing melodrama, often playing like a Bruce Springsteen song come to life. I absolutely love it.
Fat City is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Twilight Time.
Wide Release: Ralph Breaks the Internet
Wide Release: Robin Hood
Your Alternative: Robin and the Seven Hoods (1964, d. Gordon Douglas)
Absolutely one of the very best “Rat Pack” pictures, Gordon Douglas’ Depression gangster musical has some classic numbers (such as Sinatra doing “My Kind of Town”) and is actually fairly compelling as a crime picture. It’s all very silly and composed of tableaus fit to be captured as still life compositions, framed, and hung above the bar in some North Jersey hole in the wall (where you can never seem to figure out how they make any money because it’s always empty). Still, this spoofy bit of fluff is peppered with colorful performances from solid character actors (such as Edward G. Robinson and Peter Falk), and marks the last time Ol’ Blue Eyes would be singing and dancing onscreen, as he’d soon be going full action star with the back-to-back WWII pictures None But the Brave and Von Ryan’s Express.
Robin and the Seven Hoods is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Warner Bros.
Wide Release: The Possession of Hannah Grace
Employee Picks: A Rock Musical, Waterlogged Zombies, And A Revenge Thriller
By Jacob Knight/Nov. 16, 2018 12:00 pm EST
We may receive a commission on purchases made from links. (Welcome to Employee Picks, a series where Jacob Knight uses his day job expertise as a video store manager to recommend unique and often overlooked alternative options to the big movies hitting theaters and home video.)
Now that we’re out of the Halloween season, it seems like it’s finally time to stick to the script. So, without further ado, here’s a legitimate, 100% to format, no-BS edition of Employee Picks.
We may receive a commission on purchases made from links.
Now that we’re out of the Halloween season, it seems like it’s finally time to stick to the script. So, without further ado, here’s a legitimate, 100% to format, no-BS edition of Employee Picks.
The Major Release: Bohemian Rhapsody
Your Alternative: Velvet Goldmine (1998, d. Todd Haynes)
Bohemian Rhapsody is a bad movie: a mix of biopic clichés, already parodied to death in genius works like Walk Hard, anchored by a central turn that’s more imitation than actual performance. Instead, watch a good movie about glam rockers from one of the finest directors to ever lay eyes on a movie camera. Velvet Goldmine is Todd Haynes’ ode to deafening stage opulence, following journalist Arthur Stuart (Christian Bale) as he chronicles the rise and fall of Bowie-esque pop madman Brian Slade (Jonathan Rhys Meyers). The “original punk”, Slade became a symbol of individuality and bi-sexual bliss for a generation of lost teens. Catchy, tragic and deeply human, Velvet Goldmine is one of the finest rock musicals ever made.
Velvet Goldmine is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Miramax/Lionsgate.
Velvet Goldmine is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Miramax/Lionsgate.
The Major Release: The Nutcracker and the Four Realms
Your Alternative: Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (2013, d. Tommy Wirkola)
The Major Release: Dr. Seuss’ The Grinch
Your Alternative: Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984, d. Charles E. Sellier Jr.)
Sure, the Grinch is forever a “mean one,” but has that fuzzy, green Ebenezer Scrooge ever impaled a naked Linnea Quigley to the wall with a set of deer antlers? Survey says: fuck no. Silent Night, Deadly Night is one of the nastiest slashers in the history of a subgenre known for its cruelty, as young Billy Chapman sees his parents executed by a scumbag in a Santa Claus outfit, and is then subsequently beaten by the nuns in his orphanage. Of course, once he grows up, Billy seems like a well-adjusted, strapping adult…until the owner of the toy store he gets a job at decides to make him don the red St. Nick costume come Christmas. Trigger Warning: mucho bloodshed occurs, as Billy picks up an axe and starts chopping his way through the residents in his small Midwestern town. A Yuletide staple in the Knight household, Charles E. Sellier’s cult classic is mostly for the degenerates in your home who giggle at the part in Gremlins where Phoebe Cates talks about the time her dad broke his neck coming down the chimney.
Silent Night, Deadly Night is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Scream! Factory.
Silent Night, Deadly Night is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Scream! Factory.
The Major Release: The Girl in the Spider’s Web: A New Dragon Tattoo Story
Your Alternative: Rape Squad [aka Act of Vengeance] (1974, d. Bob Kelljan)
The Major Release: Overlord
Your Alternative: Shock Waves (1977, d. Ken Wiederhorn)
Nazi zombies are cool as hell. That’s just scientific fact. This writer’s personal favorite entry into the too-small horror subgenre has got to be Shock Waves – a languid, strange, Florida-shot slice of exploitation that may be the closest any American undead zombie has come to approximating the hazy dread of classic Eurohorror. Following a crew of low rent pleasure seekers who become stranded on a desert isle where a former SS scientist (a gaunt, sickly Peter Cushing) and his waterlogged, goggled army of the dead reside, Shock Waves moves at a snail’s pace at first, only to evolve into a full-blown creature feature onslaught by the end. Featuring great makeup SFX work from unheralded genre weirdo Alan Ormsby, Shock Waves is going to appeal to specific strain of horror connoisseur, but those who connect with its weirdo wavelength are going to find a lot to love.
Shock Waves is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Blue Underground.
Shock Waves is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Blue Underground.
The Major Release: Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald
Your Alternative: The Sword and the Sorcerer (1982, d. Albert Pyun)
Schlocky, ambitious madman Albert Pyun’s The Sword and the Sorcerer chronicles a classical hero’s journey, complete with big breasted princesses, various medieval double crosses, heart-ripping warlocks, pneumatic swords, straight up crucifixion, and some pretty wonky fight choreography. Nightmare-faced Richard Lynch is totally unhinged as the villainous warlord Titus Cromwell, who wants to destroy everything our stubbly hero (Lee Horsley) holds dear. If you saw this when you were young, just know that it doesn’t hold up as well as you’d expect, but all the scummy, weird, latex-riddled ’80s sword and sorcery madness is way better than sitting through fucking Johnny Depp using magic to hunt down Eddie Redmayne in another forgettable faux-Potter installment.
The Sword and the Sorcerer is available on OOP DVD, courtesy of Anchor Bay.
The Sword and the Sorcerer is available on OOP DVD, courtesy of Anchor Bay.
The Major Release: Instant Family
Your Alternative: Step Brothers (2008, d. Adam McKay)
Look, you can go watch Mark Wahlberg join families with Rose Byrne, or you can instead sit down with one of the greatest comedies of the last decade in Step Brothers. Adam McKay’s feature length ode to man-children is easily one of the movies this writer has watched the most throughout his life, as Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly scream insults at one another after being forced to become bros, thanks to their widowed parents getting married. There’s also Adam Scott screaming about his abs, Richard Jenkins monologuing about not “losing your dinosaur,” and Mary Steenburgen basically being a total angel sent down from Heaven to try and endure it all. In this world, there are two types of people: those who recognize the genius of Step Brothers, and others you just shouldn’t trust for a second.
Step Brothers is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Columbia Pictures.
Step Brothers is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Columbia Pictures.
Wide Release: Widows
Your Alternative: Switchblade Sisters (1975, d. Jack Hill)
Wide Release: Creed 2
Your Alternative: Fat City (d. 1972, d. John Huston)
We’re all going to see Creed 2, as everybody loves Rocky and Adonis and wants to see what the next chapter in their relationship has in store for the champs. However, when you’re done with this Turkey Day fight fiesta, maybe check out one of the more unheralded classics of the early ’70s. Fat City is John Huston’s very best late period picture: a stark portrait of two working class brawlers, one an aging pro (Stacy Keach), and the other his up-and-coming sparring partner (Jeff Bridges). Neither have many options in this world, subjecting themselves to nightly beatings just to make a buck. Brusque masculinity collides with broken dreams, as Susan Tyrell acts her ass off to the tune of a Best Supporting Actress Oscar. Fat City is an incredibly stark, depressing melodrama, often playing like a Bruce Springsteen song come to life. I absolutely love it.
Fat City is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Twilight Time.
Fat City is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Twilight Time.
Wide Release: Ralph Breaks the Internet
Your Alternative: The Lawnmower Man (1992, d. Brett Leonard)
The Lawnmower Man is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Scream! Factory.
Wide Release: Robin Hood
Your Alternative: Robin and the Seven Hoods (1964, d. Gordon Douglas)
Absolutely one of the very best “Rat Pack” pictures, Gordon Douglas’ Depression gangster musical has some classic numbers (such as Sinatra doing “My Kind of Town”) and is actually fairly compelling as a crime picture. It’s all very silly and composed of tableaus fit to be captured as still life compositions, framed, and hung above the bar in some North Jersey hole in the wall (where you can never seem to figure out how they make any money because it’s always empty). Still, this spoofy bit of fluff is peppered with colorful performances from solid character actors (such as Edward G. Robinson and Peter Falk), and marks the last time Ol’ Blue Eyes would be singing and dancing onscreen, as he’d soon be going full action star with the back-to-back WWII pictures None But the Brave and Von Ryan’s Express.
Robin and the Seven Hoods is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Warner Bros.
Robin and the Seven Hoods is available on Blu-ray, courtesy of Warner Bros.
